Lose Control

If you were to say to yourself, “Today I surrender and give up my attempts to control life”, how would that make you feel? Like most people you would probably balk at that thought and immediately start to fight it. However, if you were to say to yourself, “Today I agree with life”, you might be more amenable to that thought.

We all want some sort of semblance of control regarding our lives. We also tend to want control over things that aren’t ours, such as how other people behave and interact with us, and other life experiences and circumstances. While we can influence our lives, to a large extent, it is important to recognize when it is time to let go so that what has been set into motion can unfold as it is meant to. If we try to control every little thing, we will often be disappointed, because we do not and cannot control everything.

“Attain the center of emptiness, preserve the utmost quiet as myriad things act in concert, I thereby observe the return. Things flourish, then each return to its root. Returning to the root is called stillness: stillness is called return to Life, return to Life is called the constant; knowing the constant is called enlightenment.”

Tao-te Ching

Rather than resist the circumstances and judge them to be ‘bad’ or unwanted, if we choose to let go of that judgment and trust that there is a divine order at work in our lives, we can more easily allow ourselves to relax and be less perturbed by what we observe to be happening (or not happening) in the moment. Life, as with most things, is always in flux, with many unseen dynamics at play. So many little pieces must connect, like a puzzle, and we often cannot see the whole picture as it is coming together because we are only focusing on a tiny part of it.

“If your mind is fixed on a certain spot, it will be seized by that spot, and no activities can be performed efficiently. Not to fix your mind anywhere is essential. Not fixed anywhere, the mind is everywhere. The Original Mind is like water which flows freely, whereas the deluded mind is like ice.”

Takuan (1573-1645)

Struggling to make things happen or trying to control events is not only exhausting, but if it’s just not happening, then it is possible that it is not right for us – either not the right time, or just not right for us in general. By continuing to struggle we may be working against what is right for us, and we just don’t realize it because we have cut ourselves off from seeing any other possibility for achieving our desired result.

“Life is like a river. You just have to go with the flow and not let the pesky rocks in the water get in your way.” 

Meg Bowling

It takes courage to voluntarily give up the illusion of control. However, if we can do what we can, with what we have, where we are, we can channel our energy into trusting our intuition, and release expectations of what we feel must happen in order for us to be happy. If we allow for all potential results for a happier life, we will be more likely to end up with an even better life than we could have imagined in our one scenario.

When we have done our part, it is essential to have faith that we will be guided to what is best for us. By trusting our own inner knowing, we can be confident that there is no need to try to control specific details, timing, funding, or how something is ‘supposed’ to happen. When we know we have done what we can, with what we have, where we are, then we know this is enough and the pieces will fall into place revealing the next steps and ensuring the best result.

Admittedly, it may not be instantaneous, although it could be – sometimes it might take far longer than we want it to, but if we stop stressing over it, we open ourselves to inspiration and synchronicity.

We can still work toward our desired outcomes, but rather than using our energy to force a specific outcome, limiting ourselves to one, we can use our energy to flow with the best and most beneficial outcome. In other words, accepting what is and surrendering to what could be, exercising patience as we give the ‘seeds’ we’ve planted time to manifest into something wonderful.

“Obstacles are not really obstacles. It is an illusion when we think something is stopping us. If the universe wants us to go a certain way, the way will open up and the obstacles will disappear when we move in that direction. If something seems to remain in the way, it means it is not the right timing for it to happen yet. Just keep moving where the path is open for you and you will find that is exactly where the universe has intended for you to move all along. The universe makes a way where there is no way.”

Enoch Tan